Someone once said … that it’s not the mountain you’re trying to climb that kills you, it’s the pebble in your shoe.

Whilst that may not be true of rock climbing, it’s so true of many small businesses.

In completing some mid program reviews with clients recently we focused on the stone in the shoe issues.

The things that bugged them, sometimes more than once a day, but were never addressed as they weren’t seen to be big enough, but they still caused tension within the staff and the many husband and wife teams I’m currently working with.

To protect your business from these little issues becoming a major eruption requires an openness and freedom for the owners and staff to communicate their real thoughts and feelings.

This style of communication requires honesty trust and openness and many times that’s easier said than done.

Why is this just so hard?

Disagreement is hard because it’s dangerous. We have all had those experiences where we’ve confronted someone as sensitively as we know how, only to have it turn out so very badly.

If a staff member comes to you with an issue that bugging them and you blow up, do you think they will be so eager the next time an issue arises? And if this experience has happened more than once it become easier and easier to leave well enough alone. Easier, but not healthier.

Some people are also more comfortable following the ‘brush the disagreements under the carpet” method rather than speaking up. They prefer the peace that comes when they keep their mouth shut rather than expressing clearly what the root cause of the issue really is.

This is a false peace – everything looks ok on the outside but internally the bitterness is building and fermenting. There comes a time in all businesses where for the business to grow and the people within it need to be courageous enough to be honest about what bugs them even at the risk of irritating others.

So how do we do that?

If you have an issue with anyone, be they a staff member or even your partner; keep in mind the CIA method. It’s not a prescription but it beats the heck out of the alternative.

Content :

Get your facts straight, even if it means being vulnerable enough to ask the other party up front what the issue is. How many arguments are fuelled because one or both parties have no idea what is going on. Sometimes the facts don’t come out till the discussion takes place, other times you can save yourself a lot of trouble simply by making sure that you know what you’re talking about before you open your mouth.

Intent:

Ask yourself the question … what are my motives? What am I trying to accomplish here?

The object isn’t to attack the other party, to knock them down, but for the working relationship to become stronger by coming to a mutual resolution of the issue. If you are frustrated and angry, take time to cool down, go for a walk or do something to take yourself down a notch.

When you are ready then really listen and not just react.

Approach:

Timing is the key here. Ask yourself “is right now a good time for this conversation?” Would the other person say it’s a good time? The discussion will be more mature and achieve a sensible outcome if it’s done sensitively, respectfully and at an appropriate time.

But what do we do when it goes bad?

You’ll notice I said “when” not “if” because at time things will go bad. We’re all human none of us likes to hear that we’ve been falling short or doing something wrong. No doubt there will be times when someone needs to be legitimately approached about something and they react badly. We’ve all been there.

Have patience.

These skills take time to develop, especially if your track record isn’t what it should be. Remember there will be successes and there will be failures but moving forward is what’s required.

In the end the working relationship you have with your staff is more important than the tiny issue (the pebble in your shoe) and often the change that needs to be made is with you not the other person.